Third Annual

Mistresses of Malarkey

Awards Ceremony  

  When:  July 23, 2004 - 8 p.m. EST.

Where:  Mistresses MoM Fanfic Awards

In Memory of Glori Davies

1954 – 2003

Don your hat and gun belt and prepare for a wild and wooly time at the third annual Mistresses of Malarkey Awards Ceremony, which would not have been possible if it were not for a TV series called "The Magnificent Seven."  Let me introduce you to the seven men (ATF style) who continue to win our hearts and imaginations.    

When A.D. of the ATF, Orrin Travis, put ATF Team 7 together a few years ago, he could hardly dream of the success they would become. Now, his 'boys' have created quite a name for themselves. This group of mismatched personalities and strong-willed men, who aren't that hard on the eyes either, have captured our hearts. The time has come to get a little better acquainted with the members of Denver-based ATF Team 7, known to criminals and fellow lawmen alike as the Magnificent Seven

Chris Larabee

Larabee's life has been a hard one, and he has made more enemies than friends in his pursuit of justice. Several years ago, he lost his wife and son in a revenge-gone-wrong car bombing that almost stopped him from living all together. Larabee's relationship with the members of Team 7 has basically brought him back from the brink of self-destruction that the loss of his family inspired. His almost always black wardrobe is a sign of his continued mourning, as well as, adding to the intimidating 'bad boy' image that many of his followers say they love about him. His constant search for justice and closure for his past also endear him to many.

Vin Tanner

Vin Tanner is the sharpshooter for Team 7, and a better one is not to be found in the entire country. His shooting skill is almost legendary, as is his eyesight; and that's not even using a scope! This quiet and confident young man is often considered Larabee's second in command and, while being the second youngest member of the team, he is respected in that capacity. He is a fair man who always strives to do what is right and just, hoping to bring honor to the only part of his family that he has left: his name. Tanner wound up on the team after his intercession on one of Larabee's busts. The then bounty hunter's quick thinking and accurate shooting saved the life of one of Larabee's men. The rest, as they say, is history.

With almost no place to call home, and very little belonging to him, Tanner has now found a home within the confines of Team 7. His skills as a sharpshooter and a modern day tracker of men have been an immeasurable help. He approaches life with a detached attitude, preferring to tackle problems as they come. Vin's strength of character is also apparent in the proud, stubborn way in which he battles his dyslexia to continue on with his work. His followers say that his quiet confidence, shy nature and poetic spirit are what draw them to him, not to mention those long, luscious locks and deep blue eyes.

Ezra P. Standish

Many in the department are unsure of what to say when asked about undercover agent Ezra Standish. Words such as "brilliant" and "superb" often spring up alongside of words like "smart-ass" and "lone-wolf". A former FBI agent on permanent loan to the ATF department, Standish is, in fact, a master at blending into his undercover assignments and spinning a web of stories that are, quite often, responsible for endearing him to so many of Denver's less respectable citizens before bringing them to justice. It is that success, however, that often makes people wary of him, for they are unsure of whether they are getting a straight answer or being led on a merry chase.

Some see Ezra as a con-man, and his former FBI colleagues even go so far as to call him a traitor and a rat, but to the members of Team 7, he is someone they would trust with their lives, if not necessarily their wallets. A fan of wagering, though he abhors gambling and matters of chance, this son of the south has quite a taste for the finer things in life, be it his beloved Jag or his selection of Armani suits. His followers have an extensive list of what they like about him, ranging from his accent to his troubled childhood spent with many relatives while his mother ran her own cons, as well as, that 'heart of gold' they know exists that might just match the golden tooth in his smile.

Buck Wilmington

A lifelong friend of Larabee, Wilmington handles most of the surveillance duties for Team 7. This self-professed son of a 'saint' is viewed by some as a saint, himself, although many fathers might not share that same opinion. His name is the first heard by any new female employee at the Federal Building, whether it be as a warning or as a teasing temptation of things to come. He always has a smile ready for a pretty lady or a word of 'wisdom' for his young friend, JD, should the opportunity arise. Many often consider him to be no more than a kid in a man's body because his desk is often covered with any manner of toys. He is not all carefree, however; should one of those he deems 'friend' need help, Buck is always there with words or, if needed, a 'show of force'.

Though he shares a loft with partner, JD Dunne, don't let this fool you. Wilmington is a 'ladies' man' in every sense of the word. He often feels he has no choice but to oblige the women because they are drawn to his 'animal magnetism'. His followers often claim they love the amazing loyalty and compassion this big-hearted man shows for his family and friends. They also quietly (some not so quietly) admit that his extensive . . . experience . . . holds a great deal of appeal for them, as well.

J.D. Dunne

Many people make the mistake of assuming Dunne to be a wet-behind-the-ears 'kid' when they first meet him. While it is true that Dunne is the youngest member of Team 7, he is, in no way, the weak link of their chain. JD was recruited directly from college and, seeing as how he had just recently lost his mother to cancer, he agreed to join the team. Dunne is the computer expert and technician for Team 7. It has often been said that there was nothing JD couldn't make a computer do short of stand up and dance, although Ezra has often been willing to wager the young man could even accomplish that given enough time.

JD has found himself 'under the wing' of Buck Wilmington, though he gives almost as much encouragement and loyalty back as he takes. Never one to be still, it is said that Dunne is the energy source of the team, going almost non-stop to finish a case or come to the aid of one of his friends. It is this youthful energy and loyalty that many of his followers say drew him to their hearts. That, combined with his innocent courtship of Miss Casey Wells, also makes him a romantic favorite among many.

Nathan Jackson

Nathan always knew that his life would follow a career in medicine. Both his parents were doctors and his girlfriend, Rain, was also pursuing a career in medicine. What he didn't foresee was his career taking a side-trip and winding up as the medic for ATF Team 7. While his job is technically that of a chemist and forensics expert, Nathan often finds himself 'first on the scene' to treat the medical emergencies of the members of his team. When not 'practicing' his medicine on the needy members of his team, Nathan often finds himself arguing the morality of certain schemes and plans of Undercover Agent Standish.

Since the creation of Team 7, Jackson's medical skills have been in almost has high demand as his forensics expertise. He has tended everything from broken bones and bullet wounds to cuts and bruises and just about any other type of injury that could be considered. He has helped keep many of his fellow team members alive, although he often wants to strangle them afterward when trying to make them follow doctor's orders while recovering. Nathan has many followers because he does help to keep the others on their feet, but he also has some of his own because of his loyalty and firm adherence to his beliefs. His compassion for his fellow man also draws many to him.

Josiah Sanchez

The last member, but certainly not the least, is Josiah Sanchez, the profiler and resident philosopher of Team 7. A regular world traveler, Josiah has visited many places in the company of his missionary father. With his exposure to several customs and cultures, he has a certain edge in working himself into the minds of the people they are tracking and creating a profile for them. He is often seen as the counselor and spiritual guide of the group and has many sayings and parables to offer for almost every occasion, although some of them may seem just a bit confusing.

He is, by far, the oldest member of the team, but that is not to mean he is feeble in any way. By no means a small man, Josiah uses his strength to protect his fellow man. While a speaker of peace, Sanchez is not afraid to get more than a little 'Old Testament' when one of his own is threatened. He takes particular offense to those who threaten Standish, whom Sanchez often views as a surrogate son, much to Ezra's annoyance. Those that follow Josiah say his loyalty and his strength, both of body and of spirit, are what they are most fond of.

So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, the men of ATF Team 7. A modern twist on an age-old destiny of seven strong-willed, loyal and courageous men who bond together to seek justice and to protect those they hold dear. May they 'ride' forever and always be in our hearts!  

It is hard to believe that this is our   Third  Annual - Mistresses of Malarkey (MoM) Awards Ceremony. With 375 nominations   during a ten-week period,  it has been a busy time for all!  As usual, all of this could not have been possible without the help of many wonderful folks that I would like to take the time now to offer my sincerest "thank you" . . .

·  To my fellow List Moderators – Lady Viper, Laura, Lisa, Sarah, and Steel – for their huge assistance with all the behind the scenes work.  I could not have done it without all of your help!!

·   To the remarkable Lady Viper for maintaining the MoM's website, creating the award graphics, and updating the various awards web pages.I am in awe of your creative talents!! 

·   To the ladies – J, Janette, Lady Viper, Laura, Lisa, Sarah, and Suzy for creating this wonderful "Program of Events. WELL DONE!!!! 

·  To the amazing judges who volunteered to judge all 

    the magnificent fics!! Thank you for your tireless efforts!! 

·   To the wonderfully imaginative authors whom weave exciting, rousing, and captivating tales based on the SEVEN cowboys who won our hearts. BRAVO and keep writin'!! 

·   And, to all those who read the stories and nominated these wonderful fics!!  This night could not be possible without you!!  

     Thank you for your enthusiastic support!! Thanks again to everyone and hope to see you on 

    July 23rd at 8:00 pm EST, at the awards ceremony!

                                       Rhonda (Luna Dey)

1.      He is in mourning.

2.      Makes him look dangerous, unapproachable, and it is also very sliming.

3.      He was told he was a "winter" and black was his color.

4.      Black doesn't show food stains . . . he's a messy eater.

5.      Makes him look younger.

6.      Black clothes are cheaper to get.

7.      Makes him more difficult to see in the dark during a surprise attack.

8.      Helps him look the part of a gunfighter.

9.      He lost all his other clothes in the fire.

10.  Matches his mood.

1.  Life on the run from bounty hunters.

2.  Gives the impression he’s bigger and tougher than he is.

3.  Because there is no storage space in his wagon.

4.  He's always cold.

5.  Easier to hide in plain sight.

6.  Reminds him of his Indian family.

7.  It hides how thin he is.

8.  So he can have plenty of pockets.

9.  It's the latest attire for wanted ex-bounty hunters from Tascosa.

10. The Vixens keep tearing the clothing off him so he has to wear 'em in layers.

1.    They make him stand out in the saloon.

2.    They help him look more like a city man.

3.    They're the finest made.

4.    "Appearances are everything."

5.    He is hoping the brightly colored jackets will temporarily confuse his opponents during poker.

6.    The ladies find his brightly colored jackets attractive.

7.    They make him look rich.

8.    His red jacket hides the blood.

9.    He knows he looks good!

10.He would wear all black but someone else already does.  

Joke 1:  If you are an American in the sitting room what are you in the Bathroom?

Joke 2:  What do you call a sheep with no legs?

Joke 3:  If a cowboy rides into town on Friday and three days later leaves on Friday, how does he do it?

Joke 4:  A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. So when he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head and fired a shot into the ceiling. ''WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?'' he yelled.

No one answered.

''ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA' BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!''

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, ''Say partner, before you go. . .what happened in Texas?''

The cowboy turned back and said, ''I had to walk home.''

  Test Your Knowledge of  "The Magnificent Seven"  

Have you re-watched your taped episodes of "The Magnificent Seven" so many times you feel you know everything about the series?  Well, now is your chance to test your knowledge with trivia questions of the series. 

 

  1.  In "One Day Out West" where did Ezra jump bail from?

  2.  In "One Day Out West" what does Josiah give Chris as a going away  gift?

  3.  In "Working Girls" what color was the book Ezra balanced on his head?

  4.  In Inmate 78 what does Buck order at the General Store?

  5.  What boy name does Lucy like for the baby?

  6.  According to Buck, how long have he and Chris known each other?

  7.  In "Serpents" how much did Maude ask Ezra for in her letter?

  8.  In "Wagon Train," what "instrument" does Josiah play? 

  9.  In "Witness" where was the rare masonry from? 

10.  In "Ghosts of the Confederacy" what does Ezra leave his "watch" for?

 

 

You've seen the show.  You have the lines memorized by heart.  Now is your chance to test that knowledge.  Can you name who said the quote and in what episode? 

 

  1.  "Was that a howl?"

  2.  "Short rope, long drop."

  3.  "You suppose to be famous?"

  4.  "You can run, stud, but you can't hide."

  5.  "Bad men don't travel with their mother."

  6.  "Quit your whining. We got you an extra biscuit."

  7.  "Well, you know what they say. Those who can, do, and those who can't, watch."

  8.  "Oh, I love a fair fight." 

  9.  "I'm glad I wasn't on the wrong end of his rifle."

10.  "I think we've made some sort of frontier history today."

*Answers on last page of program. 

   

"Ask the Seven"

Dear Buck,

 

I've been in love with someone now for six years and my problem is, he doesn't know that I'm alive.  He has gorgeous chestnut hair and a smooth Southern drawl to die for, but I've yet to approach him as his interests lie elsewhere.  It seems his turn-ons are poker, whiskey and risking his neck for the men he works with.  How do I make him open those beautiful green eyes and see me for who I am?  

 

                                                         Signed,

                                                      An Ezra Admirer

   

Dear Ezra Admirer,

 

"Well little lady, you definitely came to the right place, and I believe we can help you," said OW Buck confidently as he grinned lasciviously. ATF Buck nodded in agreement as he continued, "'Cause we do have a lot of expertise in this matter."

 

"First of all, you need to remember several key points," started OW Buck. "Men are quite often distracted by their surroundings and focused on their jobs and they sometimes need a subtle hint that you are indeed interested." 

 

"Also, men are visual creatures," continued ATF Buck. "That means you want to touch your hair as you make initial eye contact and then quickly glance away, make eye contact again, and then finally smile." 

 

"It also helps if you make a man feel like he's needed," interjected OW Buck. "Maybe ask his assistance in carrying a large item or lessons on how to play poker . . . something that will make him feel wanted, needed." 

 

"And don't forget to complement the guy," continued ATF Buck. "Laugh at his jokes, remark on the clothes he's wearing, marvel at his deft use of the cards or his guns . . . all are sure ways to spark his interest. You could always take the lead . . . men do like that sometimes . . . and ask him out on a date or buy him a drink . . . he'll appreciate the initiative and it'll save him from making the first move, which can be intimidating sometimes. . ."

 

"And men really don't like discussin' their feelin's," stated OW Buck honestly. "It makes 'em uncomfortable, so try to avoid that conversation at first as well as any talk about their Ma's." 

 

"And last but not least the most important point," said ATF Buck. "Remember…never forget… he's a man and that means that he's always gonna want to. He just needs to know you're interested."

 

"Good luck in your conquest," said OW Buck. "And if the fella is stupid enough to turn down your advances, just look me up . . . I know how to appreciate a real woman!"

 

 

                                             OW & ATF Buck's

 

Dear Vin,

 

How do I get my friends to take me seriously? They always treat me like a dumb kid. I really try to prove I can take care of myself, and I can shoot, and I can ride like the best of 'em. What can I do to get them to see that I am older than I look and that I ain't a kid?  

Signed,

The Youngest of Seven

 

Dear Youngest of Seven,

 

Maybe if you stop tryin' so hard to prove yer all grown up, yer friends might stop noticin' yer the youngest. You might be just drawin' attention to the one thing you don't want 'em to see. Try bein' more laid back an' thinkin' things out 'stead of jumpin' in head first. Part of bein' a man is knowin' what you can do an' knowin' you don't have to boast about it for it to be true.

 

                                                     OW Vin

Below are some of your favorite Magnificent Seven lines slightly twisted 

in honor of the M.o.M.'s awards ceremony.

"Life is full of nominations." 

"And some very fine nominations, I might add." 

"My, my, I don't know how you managed to resist such a display of judging."

"We don't hang men around here for judgin'." 

"We can use another good man." "Not so good . . . but I can judge." 

"You can move or you can judge." 

"Would you be interested in partaking in a little nominating?" 

"I will not nominate without the satisfaction of you knowing why I'm doing it." 

"My nominations only go so far, sister." 

"Without us, you have no judges." 

"The judging has begun." 

"You could at least serve a smile with that nomination." 

"Senor, do you feel like judging today?" 

"Sunday's the day for judging." 

"Judge?  I do love the sound of that word." 

"Cowards!  Why don't you show yourselves and nominate like men." 

CLASSIFIEDS

  

For Sale:  Frog gigger.  Never been used.  Will accept best offer.  See Sheriff Dunne.

First National Bank . . . your money is safe and secure in our 

vault imported direct from Paris!!

Sanchez's Construction . . . We can build or repair anything at reasonable prices.  

No job too small!!

 

 
Who would have thought a gambler, ladies man, bad element, sharpshooter, 

Test Your Knowledge – Answers

Trivia 

Quotes